See? I told you that the Large Hadron Collider was going to be trouble.

The documentary evidence is right there, a couple of posts ago. I wrote that the meddling fools at Cern were meddling with forces that must not be meddled with. I predicted danger in the shape of alien overlords from another reality. I predicted no less than the end of civilisation as we know it. A touch melodramatic, perhaps, but bound-to-be-accurate nonetheless.

And now look what's happened. As predicted, the walls between dimensions are crumbling and terrifying things with claws and proboscides and attennae and gross wobbly bits are starting to come through. That's right folks, the aliens have arrived - and they've gone to Louth.

It turns out that Louth has become a hotbed of UFO activity. Weird glowy red lights have been spotted hovering over hills and in clouds. And the number of sightings is suddenly on the rise, by coincidence just after the switching on of the Large Hadron Collider - or, as I like to call it, the Large Alien Warm-Welcomer.

Some news services would be concerned at drawing a connecting line between vague glowy lights in Lincolnshire and what would appear to be a completely safe experiment conducted hundreds of miles away, but the Louth Leader has put themselves at the risk of almost certain ridicule/men-in-black-visitation by running this groundbreaking story. For this they should be applauded - unlike my own local newspaper, which insists on reporting on crime and local events and sports and NOT ADMITTING THE UNDENIABLE TRUTH!

There are probably some disbelievers amongst you. You might say that the weird, glowy lights could be pretty much anything. You might point out the this all started when the Louth Leader ran a story about recently released MOD documents which mention a UFO sighting at RAF Binbrook, and that the fact that people suddenly started seeing weird stuff in the sky after that smacks of mass hysteria. You might point out that even if aliens had been attracted by the experiments at Cern, a more sensible destination for them might be, well, Cern, rather than a town in Lincolnshire. These are all good points, which can lead us to only one inevitable conclusion: you're in league with the aliens.

So, step forward, brave people of Louth. Step blinking into the beaming, glowy light of truth! You have forced us to confront the alien threat amongst us. I applaud you.

Now run, people of Louth! Run for your lives! While there's still time!