I should have started this blog... ooh, two years ago.
Two years ago I suffered a nervous breakdown. I lost my job, and because of that I lost my apartment. I moved back in with my parents and spent quite a lot of time feeling very, very sorry for myself.
I say these things by way of brief introduction. I'm not really going to go into any more detail than that; I don't really feel like dwelling, for one thing. Anyway, going into the aforementioned more detail would require the naming of names, and there are certain people I don't wish to give the oxygen of publicity - or indeed, as the brilliant and much missed Linda Smith put it, the oxygen of oxygen.
That was two years ago, and while some things have changed since then, some things have stayed the same. I still suffer from depression. I'm still anxious, nervous and reclusive. I still feel suicidal on far too regular a basis.
But then, some things have changed. I'm being treated for the depression, and regularly see a counsellor. I am trying to force myself back out into the workplace. I have found ways to boost my confidence, and I am supported by a wonderful family and amazing friends. I'm starting to see some of the positive changes I've made to my life come together and really benefit me. It's an exciting time.
And that's kind've the purpose of this blog. I should have started writing it two years ago - that would have allowed me to more fully chart the progress of my depression and what I hope is my current recovery. As it is I'm starting here, using Head Full Of Wrong to talk about my illness and my treatment. I hope that when I'm down it will serve as a reminder that things can get better, and that when I'm up it will be a marker of how far I've come.
That's one of the reasons I'm doing it, anyway. Another is that I'm hoping that the daily process of bashing out blog entries on a laptop will kick-start some of the long-dormant neurons in the creative areas of my brain and I might just be able to start writing again. I used to write, before all this happened, and I miss it. Maybe the physical process of writing will get my brain working properly again. Who knows?
The other reason I've started blogging is that I like to rant. Who doesn't? Since I doubt the content of HFOW will prove raunchy enough to be made into an ITV2 drama where I'm innappropriately played by Billie Piper, I'm left with the admittedly slender hope that my billious opinionating will be noticed on Fleet Street and I'll be given a lucrative syndicated newspaper column. If it worked for Charlie Brooker it can work for me. Ahem.
I aim to update on a daily basis, and if anything's going to test my resolve it's that. I shall try my best. This is just the start; I'll be interested to see where this goes.